Star Wars: The Last Jedi has destroyed your life, and your childhood has been ruined. Catch your breath. Have a snack and maybe go grab a little lie-down. Think some happy thoughts. Then try to grow up and go on with your life.

I write more about this in the next issue of HUBRIS, out next Wednesday, but I wanted to touch upon the salient points here. No, I haven’t seen The Last Jedi yet, but I’m still certain that neither the franchise nor your childhood are irredeemably damaged beyond repair. I’m not going to insult you by saying things like “it’s just a movie” or belittling how much you love Star Wars. We do need to put this into perspective, though.

Childhood poverty in the United States is about 16%. That’s a national average, and means roughly 1 in 6 kids in the America go to bed hungry. They don’t have the things they need, and may even be homeless. That’s an average, so when you get into states like Mississippi and New Mexico it can be as high as 50%. And those are conservative numbers. Other agencies rate it much higher, as much as 50% nationwide.

Child protection agencies get around 3 to 4 million referrals per year, regarding 6 to 7 million at-risk or endangered children. These are kids who suffer everything ranging from passive neglect to active and ongoing abuse. There’s a report of child abuse made every 10 seconds in the United States. That’s the worst of any developed nation in the world.

Poverty and abuse lead to lifelong physical and mental health issues. They lead to an increase in crime and incarceration. UNICEF ranks the United States 34th out of 35 developed nations in rates of childhood poverty and its related issues. Don’t take my word for it. Look it up. You should look all of it up. Use the time you spend bitching about movies on the internet and learn something about the real world.

The statistics don’t matter though. It could be one kid. Just one kid that’s living with her mom in a car. One kid whose dad dets drunk and beats the hell out of him. Only one kid who has an illness that their parents can’t afford to treat. One kid that cries herself to sleep because her dad has no money to buy them food. They can legitimately claim that their childhood is being ruined.

Go ahead, you privileged, self-centered, out-of-touch piece of garbage. Step up and tell me how easy your life has been that a movie you didn’t like has left you with permanent emotional scars that you’ll never be able to recover from. Please, you whining maggot, tell me about the trauma that you’ve suffered because your entertainment of choice isn’t living up to your standards.

Comments may be held for moderation.