False Starts and Anxiety Spirals

Over the past few days I’ve made several attempts to write a new post. Every time I’ve deleted them, usually before I got more than a couple of paragraphs in. I’d start with a premise that I thought I wanted to write about, and then realize that it wasn’t a topic I was willing to get into an argument with people about. So it’s been nothing but false starts and anxiety spirals.

Today someone reminded me of an article that I wrote eons ago, on another website. I think I’d blocked it out of my memory. What I remember is someone linking to it on a forum, because they thought it was cool. A few other people chimed in and said they liked it. Then the haters arrived and started making fun of the people that liked it, mocking me, and making it clear that they hadn’t even read what I’d written. The thread turned into this battle royale between people who found what I’d written to be useful, and those who thought it was stupid. It was ugly.

That kind of thing puts you off your feed for a bit, and scars you for life.

Somehow that memory reminded me of not one, not two, but three different authors who gave me grief over the positive reviews I’d written about their work. Yes, on three separate occasions I said that I liked a thing, and encouraged people to check it out, only to have the creator get mad at me. One felt my review was too short. Another felt I wasn’t qualified to write the review, so I was incapable of understanding why the work was good. The final one, I’m not even sure what the beef was, they just demanded that I remove the glowing review from my site immediately.

I’ve got an anxiety disorder (a few of them, in fact), so yeah, I get too deeply into my own head over these things. I don’t think there’s a topic you can write about that someone today can’t find fault with. There’s not fact that can’t be nullified by an opinion or some sort of whataboutism.┬áJust thinking about writing a post has started me into an anxiety spiral.

4 thoughts on “False Starts and Anxiety Spirals

  1. I understand and wish you peace.

    It’s hard to hear things like this. Seeing that there are those who just want to be hateful and contrary because they feel obliged to be so. It creates such a negative feeling that seeps out slowly over time. As you said, it scars you for life.

    I believe the only cure could be to continue to write what you want and live. I’m told your tribe will come to you in time. This, of course, may also be a pipe-dream.

  2. I’ve been blessedly devoid of these kinds of issues for which I give nothing but thanks. I can’t blame you for where you are now when this is the kind of crap you’ve dealt with. Because getting grief over positive reviews, that’s a total WTF!

  3. There are 3 RPG publishers whose work I will no longer purchase, because they were such absolute jerks to me. There are 1 science fiction author whose work I will no longer read for the same reason. The latter actually linked to my review on their website, mocking me and sending their fans to harass me.

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