Over the past few days I’ve made several attempts to write a new post. Every time I’ve deleted them, usually before I got more than a couple of paragraphs in. I’d start with a premise that I thought I wanted to write about, and then realize that it wasn’t a topic I was willing to get into an argument with people about. So it’s been nothing but false starts and anxiety spirals.
Today someone reminded me of an article that I wrote eons ago, on another website. I think I’d blocked it out of my memory. What I remember is someone linking to it on a forum, because they thought it was cool. A few other people chimed in and said they liked it. Then the haters arrived and started making fun of the people that liked it, mocking me, and making it clear that they hadn’t even read what I’d written. The thread turned into this battle royale between people who found what I’d written to be useful, and those who thought it was stupid. It was ugly.
That kind of thing puts you off your feed for a bit, and scars you for life.
Somehow that memory reminded me of not one, not two, but three different authors who gave me grief over the positive reviews I’d written about their work. Yes, on three separate occasions I said that I liked a thing, and encouraged people to check it out, only to have the creator get mad at me. One felt my review was too short. Another felt I wasn’t qualified to write the review, so I was incapable of understanding why the work was good. The final one, I’m not even sure what the beef was, they just demanded that I remove the glowing review from my site immediately.
I’ve got an anxiety disorder (a few of them, in fact), so yeah, I get too deeply into my own head over these things. I don’t think there’s a topic you can write about that someone today can’t find fault with. There’s not fact that can’t be nullified by an opinion or some sort of whataboutism. Just thinking about writing a post has started me into an anxiety spiral.