We interrupt today’s regularly scheduled blog post for a quick breather. As much as I’ve been enjoying daily blogging, the recent series exploring who I am and who I want to be is… a lot for me. It isn’t the workload. I’ve settled into a comfortable groove there. My schedule and my workspace are set up to optimize a flow state and deep work. I’m ahead of the curve at my day job for the moment, I’m taking ample time for self care, and I’m having a blast all the way around.
It’s the content of some of those recent posts that’s getting me. I know that it’s been a firehouse of revelations and information for you, so imagine how I feel. I need some time to process. That doesn’t mean that I’m stepping away from the blog. Not at all. I might cut down to one post per day, for a few days. I’m definitely sticking a pin in the introspective posts for a hot minute to give myself a chance to absorb it and sort out what to do with it.
What I don’t want to to hit the same kind of burnout that I reached while working on HUBRIS. Writing a 48-page zine every month with a lot of work, but it as doable. It was the emotional toll of taking a deep dive into cultural horror that got to me. That caused a cascading failure that impacted other areas of my life. As proud as I am of the work I did, it’s not something I care to repeat.
Let’s Hit Pause for a Moment
If we want to take a deeper dive, I’ve got three emotional/intellectual/anxiety fronts going on right now. At the top of the list, as noted above, is the self-work that I’ve been sharing on this blog. After that, we’ve got new neighbors. Which isn’t a big deal, unless you happen to be me. There’s always some turnover at the end of a semester. During Yule break, a lot of people go off to visit family, take vacations, and generally aren’t around. It’s quiet. Then a new semester starts, new people move in, and they’re an unknown quantity. It’s not that they’re noisy. It’s that I don’t know for sure that they’re not noisy. The cadence of their footsteps is unfamiliar, and trips my hypervigilance. I deal with it pretty well, but it’s still a bit stressful and occasionally interruptive.
The other thing that’s eating up process cycles in my brain is the game system I’m about to release. Again, it’s not the work that’s draining. It’s anticipating how it’s going to be received. Let me take that back another step. It’s figuring out how to describe and explain elements that I know aren’t going to be to everyone’s tastes. I’ve used the metaphor of a crate of apples before. I can name the product Crate of Apples. There can be a big picture of a crate with the lid off, revealing that it is full of apples. The description can clearly and concisely state that it is a crate, these are it’s dimensions, and it contains a specific number of a particular type of apples. Then I’ll get a 1-star review complaining that it wasn’t a bag of oranges.
Yes, this falls into the category of things I need to let go of. Yet I need to do my due diligence to ensure that the fault is not in my description. It may be clear to me, but I know what I’m talking about. Trying to sort out whether people are sincerely confused — because I want to help them — or just being obtuse trolls is time-consuming and draining. It’s not always immediately obvious whether someone is acting in bad faith, or is just… let’s say confused. I’ve always followed the adage that you should’t attribute to malice that which can be chalked up to stupidity, but we know there are people who leverage that so they can waste your time and laugh about it.
In the spirit of killing the myth of multitasking where it stands, wherever I might find it, I’m going to focus on one nerve-jangling issue at a time. I’ll continue to blog here daily while I put out those other fires, just not about anything too thinky. The introspective posts will return once I’ve got a handle on the other distractions and can give the project my full attention.