Bread is Life (So Don’t Be a Tool)

Some knobs on Twitter are having a collective tantrum over, of all things, bread. People posting about their sourdough starter annoys them. Showing pictures fresh baked good enrages them. They can no longer bear this insufferable fad. Bread is life, my dudes. Get over it.

If you want something to be outraged about, there are plenty of worthy topics. If you’re just looking to gossip and be snarky, well, I thought that’s why we had Tiger King. Why do you want to go after people filling their time in isolation with a new hobby? It’s not even a hobby, even. A life skill, really. It’s also a way for people to connect, sharing their experiences, tips, and photos of their finished products. How horrible that people are being productive and finding common ground. It must be terrible for you.

Bread is Life

Bread is perishable. Flour is less so. Baking means fewer trips to the store. Starter means not having to buy dry yeast. It’s not a bad thing to have on hand during an emergency. Plus, fresh-based bread is a comfort and a treat. We need comfort and treats right now.

I’ve left this apartment exactly twice in the last 29 days. Both times were trips to the grocery store, committed with the speed and precision of a bank robbery. Stick to the plan. Get in, get out, no one gets hurt. Be sure to wear a mask. Both times, the store was out of dry yeast. No problem. I bought more flour, salt, and butter and was on my way. I literally have 4 liters of starter, spread across several jars.

Part of me wants to tie this back into consumerism. The faction that keeps trying to put the economy ahead of human health and safety. If people start doing things for themselves, they’ll stop buying bread! Another thing killed by those dang “millennials”! We can’t have people learning to be independent! Next they’ll start thinking for themselves, and figuring out they can live without most of the crap we’ve been selling them!

Published by