This has been a pointlessly stressful week, in a pointlessly stressful month, in a pointlessly stressful year. I remain committed to being positive in this space if nowhere else, or at least trying to, so I won’t give you a rundown of all of the rude, cruel, and willfully ignorant things I’ve had to deal with. None of which had to happen. All of which were the result of a choice on someone’s part. What I’m trying to do is refocus on what’s within my control, and the things that I remain grateful for.
It’s one thing to manage my spoons. I know how much work I can do at a run before I run low. My schedule allows me ample opportunity to replenish them. In situations where I’m not aware of all of the variables, or can’t control them, I arrange to do less and rest more. I sort of expect that in certain situations I will be losing spoons due to anxiety. Borrowing spoons from the next day is factored in.
What I can’t account for is people just coming up unexpectedly, grabbing my spoons, and running off with them. People wonder why I’m a hermit. They still don’t get why I’m off social media. It’s often the only way to manage the randomness of human behavior and the draining effect it has. So, I guess I can account for it to some degree.
Anyway, I’m grateful that I have the degree of control over my spoons that I do. I am especially grateful that none of this has been hitting my executive dysfunction so far, so I can continue to be productive. Though all of this I’ve been getting more confident about expressing my needs, and holding firm against bullying, gaslighting, and irrtional nonsense.