So I crashed again. Not the worst that I’ve experienced, but it still wasn’t fun. I’ve been doing thing to grow my business, helping Katie to launch her business, and dealing with the current round of immigration renewals. There is stress. Medical professionals call it fatigue, I call it exhaustion, it all comes down to sleep deprivation.
It is not that I am a workaholic. For years people had me believing that. Somehow it was my own fault. The corporate world, with their “work-life balance” mantra puts the onus of your health entirely on you. Take care of your on problems, and don’t bring them into the office.
My schedule is set up so that I’m not biting off more than I can chew. I go to bed at the same time every night, eat proper meals, and even though it may not sound like it I manage the amount of caffeine I take in. As much as is possible, I manage my stress levels as well. It isn’t a matter of not taking proper care of myself.
The issue is my chronic pain. There are nights when it keeps me from sleeping. It’s not dire, it’s just enough to prevent me from getting comfortable. I’m tired, I sleep, but the need to periodically change position because this aches, that cramps, the other is sore, all keep me from sleeping deeply.
So I end up running at a deficit. I eventually reach a point where I can’t function well. Then I crash, and need to sleep for a few days. Not continuously, but a good night’s sleep is interspersed with a lot of naps and low-key activity.
Not my fault. Just my broken body doing what it needs to do. Certainly not something I’m going to be ashamed of.
As much as I’d love to break this cycle, the first thing I need to do is accept it. The spoonie community has helped me with this immensely. This is how my body works. I am a productive and successful person, but I need to do things differently. I could not excel if I were forced to operate within the framework of what is expected, what is “normal”.
It All Comes Down to Sleep Deprivation
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