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Journal Thrive

I Don’t Have the Spoons for This

This was going to be a completely different post. The first of a decently researched, well-thought out series for the coming week. I don’t have the spoons for this right now. Yesterday I whined a bit about being sleep deprived. Today I thought I’d share a bit about what’s on my plate.

For a start, there’s the stuff that I don’t talk about: politics. I’m at the mercy of two governments, and in the middle of having my residence in Finland (hopefully) renewed. So I try to keep my opinions to a dull roar so I don’t come across as an agitator. What’s going on in the United States is ridiculous, it’s infuriating, and it’s exhausting. That should cover it. The news just grinds me down daily.

My writing and publishing schedule is aggressive, because I have few worries that can’t be resolved with money. Earn enough to hit the required thresholds for residence. Have enough socked away to cover moving to a new, hopefully larger, apartment later this year. Really pray that I have enough in case we do need to move back to the United States and start all over again in the midst of the pandemic, the depression, the housing crisis, and oh, yeah, the open fascism.

To this add rewriting key pages of both this and the business site, to improves search engine optimization and maybe pull in a few more customers. Rewriting sales copy for important products, for the same reason. Helping Katie work out the kinks in her online shop. All of the business stuff that comes with being a professional content creator that isn’t creating content.

And then there’s still the day-to-day of cooking, cleaning, shopping, paying the bills, and all of that.

I know, the same stuff everyone else is going through right now. Except maybe for the immigration stuff. And the running your own business. The world is on fire. I’m just trying to get through the day, and build a more stable foundation so that, hopefully, I can get through tomorrow too.

I Don’t Have the Spoons for This

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Journal

June 7 2020 Daily Proof of Life Post

7:00 am EEST (GMT+3). This is the June 7 2020 daily proof of life post. I’m about to make coffee, journal, and enjoy the quiet. When Katie gets up there will be pancakes. The normal Sunday routine includes documentaries, but I don’t know if I can handle that today. Definitely no true crime, and history is going to depend on the topic. It’ll have to be something focused on art, music, or science. What I really want to do is lay in bed and watch wrestling.

I’m unplugging today. There are a couple of emails that need to be sent, and then I’m staying offline until tomorrow. Lately I’ve been missing having a large collection of physical books to read. I miss having a DVD collection and something to play them on other than my laptop. The ability to not be online is such a strange thing to whine about, I know. I recognize the privilege.

In our last year in Albuquerque we didn’t have internet at home. It was one was to save money for the move to Finland. Here internet access is included in the rent, because it’s treated more like a public utility. Having to pack out to a library or coffee shop, though, made me more mindful of how I spent my time online. I’d make lists of things I needed to do. Mindless surfing came dead last. Even though I try to remain disciplined, it’s a lot harder when it’s right there. It’s like having a big bowl of potato chips within reach at all times. At some point you’re going to start mindlessly grazing.

June 7 2020 Daily Proof of Life Post
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Journal

June 6 2020 Daily Proof of Life Post

7:00 am EEST (GMT+3). This is the June 6 2020 daily proof of life post. I am mentally and physically exhausted by the onslaught of police brutality. Seriously, the response to people protesting cops using excessive force is to double down on excessive force? It infuriates me to the point that my anxiety, which normally keeps my impulse to speak out in check, has gone dormant. My Twitter feed for the past few days is just me retweeting video after video after video of police beating the hell out of people without justification.

And still, and still, there are people loving this violence. They think the people getting beaten deserve it. This is the enforcement of their ideology over some competing ideology. It’s the psychopaths and fascists that get to me, the culture that has enabled this behavior for decades, that disturbs me the most.

You can fire all the bad cops. Vote the Mad Carrot out of office. Make sweeping reforms that curtail the power of these animals. They’ll still be out there. They never go away. It’s clear that all they do in the best of times is crawl back under their rocks and await the next opportunity to slither out and wreak havoc. I don’t know what we do about that.

June 6 2020 Daily Proof of Life Post
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Journal

June 5 2020 Daily Proof of Life Post

7:00 am EEST (GMT+3). This is the June 5 2020 daily proof of life post. It’s raining, my allergies are acting up, and I do not want to look at the news. For the moment I’m enjoying the quiet, but after breakfast I’m going to put on some classic Motown to boost my mood and write all day. This isn’t me being negative. This is me already trying to figure out how I’m going to get through another day.

I suspect, given the weather, that I will be running out of spoons and maxing out on painkillers by about 2 or 3 this afternoon. Fortunately I have a lot of what Katie calls “plug and chug” work that I can do. Mindless repetitive tasks like cut-and-paste and running spellcheck on manuscripts. That way I can still be productive even when my pain is high and my energy is low.

Which is more incentive to ignore the news today, or put off looking until all essential tasks have been accomplished. It’s just draining. If I were in the United States I’d be in the streets every damned day. Hell, if I were in Helsinki I’d be out because there are protests going on there, too. Nothing here in Jyväskylä, though. I suspect it’s because the university has been shut down because of COVID-19 and a lot of the students and faculty are gone anyway because it’s June.

Have the best possible day, folks. I’m rooting for you.

June 5 2020 Daily Proof of Life Post
Categories
Journal

June 4 2020 Daily Proof of Life Post

7:00 am EEST (GMT+3). This is the June 4 2020 daily proof of life post. Yes, I released a new book on Friday, 3 separate zines this week, and I’m pushing to get another book released this Friday. Because I’d rather die of workaholic tendencies than COVID-19 or the rising tide of global fascism, and even if those other things get me I can say I’ve made productive use of my time.

A bit of transparency: I actually woke up at 6, which is when I’m writing this. I schedule them to post at 7 my time because that’s midnight Eastern. It’s at least “today” in part of the United States, where most of my readers are. Posting earlier means that it’s still “yesterday” in America and something about that is weird.

It is so amazingly peaceful here right now. Most of the students that were still here under lockdown are gone, because even the distance classes have pretty much wrapped up. There’s still very little traffic on the roads. My chain-smoking neighbors don’t wake up this early. That means I get to leave the patio door open, feel the cool morning breeze, and listen to the birds.

June 4 2020 Daily Proof of Life Post