This post is being written in the throes of an executive dysfunction episode. Please run any word salad or odd transitions through that filter. I normally medicate with caffeine, which keeps me focused. The stress of the current world situation is triggering my anxiety, which makes my cognitive issues worse. It also sets my digestive issues in motion, which leads to a lack of sleep, which leads to further difficulties staying focused. The stomach issues require me to cut back on coffee (and eat a bland diet) for several days, which means I’m not getting as much caffeine, so I’m essentially screwed until my gut settles down a bit. I’ve had to find ways of working around it.
Basically my attention span is about 10 minutes, max. It’s hard for me to read, watch a television show, or write. I need to set timers when I cook, so I don’t wander off and forget what I’m doing and set the kitchen on fire. When I walk into the bedroom to fold laundry I see the bed, and decided to take a quick nap. As soon as I lay down I remember something that I need to do, and get up to write it down. Walking to my desk to grab my bullet journal I see there are a few dishes to be done, so I decide to do that. And so on, and so on, and the laundry is still not folded, no nap has been taken, the idea was never written down, and the dishes aren’t done. I just keep walking in circles.
Working Around It
I had to set aside the writing project that I was working on. My brain has decided that it doesn’t want to do that. Not for 10 minutes, not for a one-page word sprint, not for anything. It’s like trying to get a fussy baby to eat their peas. They just keep turning their face away and throwing a fit. Which is distressing, because if I don’t constantly release new content, I can’t pay the bills.
Fortunately, my fickle brain has latched onto something. There’s an old project that I set aside years ago because I couldn’t figure out how to make it work. About a week ago I had a flash of inspiration. Everything fell into place. Now it’s the only thing my brain wants to work on. Eat? Sleep? Shower? Nah, just work on this project. In the past 3 days I’ve written 92 pages. At this rate it’ll be ready for release next week.
I’m not going to argue. While I’m not moving forward in the direction I’d planned, I’m getting something done. If this is what my brain wants to do, that’s what I’m going to do. I think it’s going to sell well. The fact that I can work without caffeine and allow my gut to heal is a bonus. That it keeps me distracted from the news is a balm for my nerves. I’ve accepted that this is what I need to be doing right now.